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Sunday, July 5, 2015

Outsider Surrealist Poetry By Bradley Lastname

SOMEONE OF HER ILK

She grew weary of being someone of her ilk,

so she cashed in her freakquent flyer miles,

and spent the summer in Sardinia,

where she could be someone of her ilko,

in a caftan made of silko,

listening to Wilco,

crying over spilled milko,

watching Sargeant Bilko

on a black and white old Philco.


HOW TO EXPLAIN THE SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
BETWEEN LINDA LOVELACE AND FRANK O'HARA TO A
DEAD CORDLESS VIBRATOR BATTERY

Linda Lovelace is lovelorn.

Linda Lovelace loves Lorna.

Linda Lovelace loves Lorna Doone.

Linda Lovelace loves Lorna Doone's buggy.

Linda Lovelace loves it when Lorna's doone buggy runs.

Linda Lovelace doesn't love it when Lorna's doone buggy runs
over Frank O'Hara.


REJECTED NICHOLAS RAY MOVIE TITLES

Bruce Mandolin

Wayne Banjo

Gilbert Balalaika

Sterling Lyre

Van Koto

Lance Sitar

Enzo Zither

Tim Charango

Seymour Lute


A WEEK OF SNEEZES

Sneeze on Monday, sneeze for danger:

Sneeze on Tuesday, kiss a stranger.

Sneeze on Wednesday, you're on t.v.:

Sneeze for Duchamp, you're Rrose Selavy.

Sneeze on Friday, lose some snot:

Sneeze for edison, you're Fred Ott.


INSTRUCTIONS TO THE WAITER CONCERNING
HOW TO SERVE THE BLUE PLATE SPECIAL IN THE
UNLIKELY EVENT OF A POWER OUTTAGE

If the lights have gone out at the dinner table,

use an imaginary clock to describe to your diners

the location of the food on their plates.

For example, the chicken cordon bleu is at twelve o'clock,

the mashed potatoes are at 9 o'clock,

the broccoli is at six o'clock,

and the hash brownie is at 4:20.


IT IS WRITTEN

The price of wisdom is above rubies.

The price of extracting Jack Ruby's wisdom tooth is above diamonds.

Kenny Rogers wants to know:

Jack Ruby, are you contemplating going out somewhere?

Because your wisdom tooth is the only part of you that's ever leaving the

        Dallas County Jail.

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